Psalm 24:1 The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it. The world and all its people belong to him. (NLT)

As a believer in Jesus Christ, I recognize that nothing in this world that appears to be “mine” is actually mine.  Not even me.  Me, my possessions, my time, my abilities – none of it mine. It is all His, and He is actually pretty specific about what and how He would like for me to manage it.  He even spells out the rewards and consequences of good and bad management, respectively.

Since I lack the time, space, and qualifications to spell out all that He says, suffice to say, my relationship to all that is God’s is as a steward, one who manages the resources of an owner.

Sounds easy enough, right?

 If I had to name a regret in my life, it is the amount of time I spent wrestling with the idea that I am not my own. I cannot escape the fact that to be a follower of Christ means that I now belong to God – first because He made me.  Second, He paid a high price to restore me from my “fallen nature.”  This nature is the part of me that wants to be my own god, and to selectively ignore the authority of God.  That works about as well as trying to break a brick wall with your face.  I have the mortar imprints to prove it.

 Why was I torn? I believed in God, but I held myself back from Him.  In relationship terms, it is almost like the girl who says she loves a guy but is not willing to commit to him for all kinds of self serving reasons.  A life of obedience to God seemed like such a huge sacrifice.  

 I should want that, shouldn’t I?

 I was self aware enough to know that I didn’t even want to want that, and it was quite the elephant in my prayer closet during my prayer time.

Ironically, the battle that gave me the most frustration in my life was the one that brought me into a more personal relationship with Jesus Christ. My struggle to understand my appetite drove me to Him.  It wasn’t in a “God if you are out there” kind of way.  I sought Him as a person Who could answer me.  This told me something about my faith and brought me to an important faith tipping point.  My way is not working.  Was I willing to do things His way?  What does that even look like?

Please stay tuned, more to come in my next post!